“Excuse me, but what are those?” “What the hell did you do, blow up a grenade on yourself?” “You should cover that up.”...
The whirring of my professor’s voice swirls around me like a dull warm breeze on a sticky summer day. This is my third time taking this class and I sit in the front row of the lecture hall unable to hear a thing. My hands sweat and my heart knocks against my hollow chest: You. […]
Mental illnesses command the atmosphere like tornadoes, spinning everything around in circles until we are stuck sorting through the aftermath of a once healthy life. They tear through homes, through friendships, through careers; they do it relentlessly and without apology. Mental illness hit me hard in college. I was failing classes. I had taken a […]
I watched the summer tumble into autumn from the window of my hospital room. The colors seemed to burst, all at once, like a firework. Autumn was always my favorite season and always the best time of year for my mental health. Every year, with the falling of the leaves came the lifting of my […]
“In the past, have you ever attempted to seriously hurt yourself?” She means have I ever tried to kill myself. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Um, yeah. I’ve tried to kill myself,” I counted with my fingers in my lap, “…about, a handful of times.” A handful. A neat five little fingers. […]
I just got discharged from an inpatient psychiatric hospitalization. I see a therapist once a week. Every Monday and Thursday, I spend an hour in group therapy. Then I change into my scrubs and drive to work. I’m a psychiatric nurse. I’m also a psychiatric patient. “You don’t know about bipolar disorder. You can’t really […]
The expectation of many teens in the US is to choose a college and an academic path that will direct you to the ultimate goal of beginning the career that presumably will be what you do for the rest of your life. I chose a four year program that would lead to my Bachelor of […]
One thing I struggled with a lot during the worst of my first battle with depression was mixing feelings with facts. I meshed them together thinking that my emotions dictated what was true and what was false. One of my patients asked me about this recently, to clarify an exercise she did in one of […]