A couple of weeks ago I wrote about preparing yourself for the holidays when your family isn’t accepting or respectful of your identity. It was relatively easy for me to write this article, but when Thanksgiving rolled around and I headed out of town with my family knowing that the next 5 days would be full of use of my birth name and the incorrect pronouns, I panicked.

I had packed my favorite flannel for Thanksgiving day and all of my other gender-confirming comfy clothing for the vacation. I had reminded myself that my name is Parker and I am the manliest man. I even saw my therapist right before I left when she told me that it was all going to be okay and that if I made the weekend into a big, negative ordeal in my head that’s what it would be. I took a deep breath, left her office, and headed to my parents.

I was immediately greeted by my birth name.

“Ugh” I thought to myself.

But instead of being upset about being called by my birth name and she/her pronouns, I reminded myself that their lack of effort and acceptance does not determine my identity. Whether they call me by my birth name or Parker, I am, at my core, Parker. A man.

This simple thought truly helped me get through the weekend. Instead of letting each use of my birth name and the wrong pronouns stab me in the heart, I let them remind me of my true identity. I let them be a constant reminder that “she” made me the man I am today.

How did you all do? How did you holiday go and how do you foresee future holidays? Is there anything I can help you all with? Contact me via email [email protected] or Twitter @NotPeter_Parker


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