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largeMy own personal story with self-harm began in ninth grade. I can remember sitting in my room feeling overwhelmed and confused. I didn’t know what to do so I turned to self-harm. I had remembered that a friend of mine in seventh grade had struggled with self-harm. I knew how hard it was for her to stop and the pain she went through, but that didn’t stop me from doing it. I was determined not to feel this way, I wanted the pain to end and not to feel so out-of-place. At the time I thought it would be a one-time thing and then I’d be okay. Little did I know I would fall into a pattern of self-harm.

The unknowns and misunderstandings related to mental health lead people to hide what they are feeling. Fear of judgment and shame hold us back. There are misconceptions about most everything in life, but one that sticks out to me most is mental health and how it relates to self-harm. My goal is that through sharing this part of my story, I can help those who are struggling not feel alone as well as help others gain a new perspective on this topic.

Self-harming is often seen as attention-seeking but it is far from that, often times it is very personal as well as private. People that harm themselves may feel very lonely or disconnected and need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. Another misconception is that those who self-harm are suicidal. Although this can be the case and prolonged self-harm can increase a person’s risk for suicide and suicidal thoughts, most of the time self-harm is used as a way of coping. Some believe that only teenagers self-harm but this habit can continue into adulthood as well. Self-harm has many addictive qualities due to the fact that every time you harm yourself your body releases endorphins. Telling someone to stop hurting him or herself is like telling a person who drinks coffee every day to just stop. Chances are they can’t.

It wasn’t until later when I opened up about what was going on to a wonderful counselor who supports me was I able to begin controlling my self-harm. Through therapy, help from teachers, family and friends, and the desire to stop this from controlling my entire life, I am now able to go long periods of time without harming myself. Something I have learned and began to accept is that relapses happen. But that does not mean I am – or anyone else is — back at square one. You can continue on, and it will get better.

For anyone reading this, whether you are struggling yourself, know someone who is struggling or just want to get the world out: please share this and reach out to those around you. You never know what battles a person is fighting unless you try and communicate.

Resources for those who self-harm:


Comments

13
  • Mary kate

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad we’re finally sharing the word about self harm because it’s a serious thing as I have faced it too. Thank you

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    • Kayla West

      I was trying to decide what to write and it hit me that I shouldn’t be afraid to write about the struggles I have faced, as I find so much hope from other who share their stories. I am sorry to hear this you have struggled with this as well, I hope all is well! Stay strong❤️

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    • Kayla West

      I was trying to decide what to write and it hit me that I shouldn’t be afraid to write about the struggles I have faced, as I find so much hope from other who share their stories. I am sorry to hear that you have struggled with this as well, I hope all is well! Stay strong❤️

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  • Peter M. Olsen

    I saw this tweeted out by National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Thank you very much for writing this. It’s extremely important for people to understand where we come from. Thank you for giving a voice to those who struggle in silence.

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    • Kayla West

      Sorry to hear you have struggled with this, please remember that you matter and there is hope! I just hope that others can continue to share their stories, because nothing provides more hope than others who have overcame the same obstacles as ourselves.

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      • You Matter

        Hello Kayla Thank you for sharing your story and reaching out to us here at The Lifeline, our crisis counselors hare here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Don’t hesitate to call us! If you are more comfortable chatting online please use the private link below to chat with a Lifeline counselor. We want to help you. Your life matters! http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/FBchatterms.aspx

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    • You Matter

      Hello Peter, Thank you for your interest in spreading the word about suicide prevention services. You are more than welcome to include our phone number (written out: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and give out our website or logo as necessary. If you are promoting our information please be sure to indicate that we are a United States based service only. For international suicide prevention services please visit http://www.iasp.info.

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  • Kayla West

    Sorry to hear you have struggled with this, please remember that you matter and there is hope! I just hope that others can continue to share their stories, because nothing provides more hope than others who have overcame the same obstacles as ourselves.

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  • E Walton

    Thank you, so much, for this very candid article about Self-Harm. I am a volunteer counselor for CONTACT of Mercer Counry, Inc. (NJ) I work with the live Crisis Chat part of our service. I have had several teens and young adults chat about their self-harming behaviors. I support them, encourage positive distracting behaviors and encourage them to seek counseling.

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  • Linda

    Linda Linda

    Reply Author

    I self harm. When things were getting bad for me I decided to “self harm”, although when I began they were just harsh scrapes against the skin with a kitchen knife. I’m not going to say my friends encouraged it, because they didn’t, but they didn’t try to stop me. (In the past year they had self harmed but stopped. One of my friends is still struggling, but is getting help.) Before, if I was feeling extremely sad I would attempt to hurt myself. Later on, I got access to a razor blade and that’s when I began the actual cutting. Now, if I’m sad, I cut. If I’m angry, I cut. If I’m stressed, I cut. If I don’t feel, I cut. Cutting has become my coping mechanism. I know it’s not a thing that should continue, but no one stops me or makes me feel significant or gives me an actual reason to stop, so I don’t. My mom works hard and she always seems stressed so I feel like telling her that I do this would put more weight on her shoulders to carry around. We’re not necessarily financially stable so I do not want to ask for a therapist, plus I don’t like therapists in general. Also if I were to talk to a school counselor, they would contact my mother, which for me is a big no. I do not have a phone so I can’t make calls to anonymous hotlines. I’ve never really thought about suicide, but sometimes I just want to disappear until my mental state is in a better place….

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    • You Matter

      Linda, Thank you for being so open and sharing with the community about self harming and the struggles you and your family face. It sounds like you would be open to talking with Lifeline but do not have access to a phone to do so. Did you know there are chat services available? Here is a link to chat services: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ These services are available 24/7. If you have trouble connecting with a chat counselor (the queues can be long) and you get access to a phone, call us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We are here for you, Linda.

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  • Colin

    Colin Colin

    Reply Author

    I self harm, thank you for sharing your story and success, I hope I can make it like you did, ’cause we all know that 7th grade, gets hard. my depression has driven me to cut my arms with a steak knife until finally I relapsed, but now I’m back to it, what do I do?

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    • You Matter

      Colin, we’re sorry that you are going through such a difficult time right now. We’re here for you 24/7 at at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Please give us a call when you feel the urge to self harm. We are here to help.

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