Categories


Recent Posts


Recent Comments


Archives


Meta



“Excuse me, but what are those?”
“What the hell did you do, blow up a grenade on yourself?”
“You should cover that up.”
“Those are insane!”
“What’s wrong with your skin?”
“Everyone’s going to judge you, you know.”
“I personally think scars are sexy.”

All of these comments were uttered to me by total strangers in reference to the innumerable scars lining my arms, legs, chest, and stomach. Three times, people have even reached out and touched me by stroking the raised stripes on my shoulder or yanking my forearm toward them for a closer look. I was only fifteen the first time such an incident took place, and for the rest of that unbearably humid summer, I sweated through long sleeves.

At twenty, I no longer suffer through the discomfort of long sleeves year-round, and I no longer feel the sting of shame when a stranger comments. I injured myself for many years because I was sick in the same way a person with lupus or leukemia is sick. My brain was scarred by childhood abuse and self-injury was a symptom of that damage; a symptom that has improved with treatment despite its history remaining mapped across my limbs. I am not asking for attention by wearing a tank top; I just don’t want to steam-roast in a cardigan throughout July (or maybe I just like that tank top because it’s cute as heck). I do not want to answer intrusive questions about my life or tolerate touch from strangers any more than the next person.

As a result, I have to make a choice in every situation about what balance of coverage versus exposure I find most manageable. Am I going to take the chance that my boss sees these scars and fires me, be that fair or unfair? No. Am I going to strip down to shorts and a sports bra to wade across this freshwater stream with my friend Jenny? Absolutely! Am I calm enough to handle stares and whispers from passerby on my way to the grocery store? Sometimes. There is no morally right or wrong decision, only levels of comfort versus discomfort.

If you know someone with scars, and you are wondering what to say, check yourself first. Are you uncomfortable? Curious? Horrified? If so, why? These are your own thoughts and emotions to manage, not the other person’s. There’s no need to announce your reaction to a person’s self-harm scars any more than you should announce disliking a coworker’s haircut or wondering why the guy sitting next to you doesn’t have eyebrows. Even telling people that they are “beautiful” or “inspiring” on account of their scars is not necessarily appropriate. Think about how you might treat someone in a wheelchair: some people with visible differences on their bodies may find such words to be positive, but myself and many others both dislike having our difference dragged to the forefront and dislike the romanticization of our condition.

That being said, there are two exceptions to the don’t-say-anything rule:

  1. Someone you know has fresh cuts, scabs, or scars. In this situation, it’s understandable to be concerned, especially when the person is someone you feel responsible for (the kid you babysit, a student, a niece or nephew). Arrange to speak with them privately. Let them know you saw their injuries and you are worried about their safety, and give them the chance to confide what is going on. If the person is a minor, let them know that you will need to inform a responsible adult in their life such as their parent or school guidance counselor. Give them the chance to tell an adult on their own, and follow up to make sure they are receiving help. If the person with fresh injuries is an adult, gently ask if they’re receiving the support they need. Offer to help them get in touch with a university counseling department or local mental health practice, if you are in a position to do so. Be clear that you just want to make sure they’re alright and that you won’t judge, punish, or pry.
  2. The person with scars is someone you know well and you are genuinely curious about their life experience. Before asking any questions, make sure you are actually open to hearing about their journey, which could be saddening, shocking, or confusing to you. Keep in mind that self-harm can be a very sensitive subject and even someone who is open about other aspects of their life may not want to talk about it. Ask the person about their scars one-on-one, not in a group of friends, and pick a less sensitive topic beforehand that you can switch to if the person doesn’t want to discuss their scars. Phrase your question in such a way that makes it clear you want to respect the person’s boundaries: “I’ve noticed that you have some scars, and I’m curious about your story. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, but if you do, I’d like to listen.”

And now this is the part where I end with a cutesy aphorism about how scars tell stories, right? Wrong! There are many quotes about how scars tell stories, but I dislike such quotes. People tell stories. Scars exist on people, for thousands of different reasons, and it is up to people to tell the stories of their own scars, when and how and to whom they choose.


Comments

63
  • Sarah

    Sarah Sarah

    Reply Author

    Thank you for your post.

    I sometimes read about self-harm scars and how to cope with them, and most of the time it does not convince me – because it does not feel like it.
    You describing it as a “choice in every situation about what balance of coverage versus exposure I find most manageable”. An that`s it: Every situation changes, and the mood (or the courage) to expose them to a public changes, too.

    Also you not liking such quotes as “scars tell stories” is a relieve for me to hear. Thank you, for altering that quote to “People tell story, scars exist on people”. It kind of makes me free of exposing “a story” to other people, and now I can TELL my story IF I WANT to.

    I am somehow relieved by your point of view. Thank you.

    Posted on

    • Adira Bennett

      I am so, so glad you read and liked my piece. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment. Writing about something this personal was a little scary for me, but reading your response makes it all worth it!

      Posted on

      • Anonymous

        hi i am a boy in middle school who is hyper a lot and i get made fun of shut in lockers called names, i started harming myself just recently and i thought it would relieve stress and it did.
        I got judged a lot because i had scars on my arms but this has shown i am not alone.
        Thanks so much

        Posted on

        • You Matter

          No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer. Your life matters! In order to talk to a Crisis Counselor, please call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential; we’re here for you 24/7/365.

          Posted on

        • Zarea Catherine

          I’m so sorry. I wish I knew you

          Posted on

        • Mac

          Mac Mac

          Reply Author

          I bet you’re a cool dude. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit hyper(I’m ADHD). It’s about channeling that energy into a passion you have, maybe you haven’t found your passion yet and you will. I am an artist, I have learned to express and expel a lot of emotion and energy into my art.
          I heard something during my many years of DBT therapy and it goes a little something like this.
          “For all the bullshit that’s happened during your life, you have survived 100% of it” YOU ROCK GUY

          Posted on

        • Adira

          Adira Adira

          Reply Author

          Hi, friend. Author of this article speaking. I hear you and I care. I am so sorry that you’ve been dealing with bullying and self-harm urges. Those are big burdens to carry all by yourself. If there’s any trustworthy adult around, please consider talking to them about what you’re struggling with so you have an ally and a source of support. I know that’s easier said than done. You can also always call the Lifeline hotline or reach out on their website. Know that no matter what, there will always be an army of people out there in the world who are silently battling the same
          (or similar) demons, and you can think of us as your team. We are always on your side and rooting for your safety and happiness. P.S. Middle school sucks. I swear, it gets better.

          Posted on

      • Malachi

        Malachi Malachi

        Reply Author

        Lovely article, I appreciate finding a space with like-minded people with like-minded experiences. I self harmed in early teens and found it difficult to wear t-shirts around my parents (still am uncomfortably aware of my scars). Mostly it’s little kids that worry me as I don’t know how to respond hahaha. But anyways, just wanted to say your article helped me cross a gap of self acceptance 🙂

        Posted on

    • Anonymous

      Hey. I also have a few self harm scars but my parents caught me after a few months when my PE teacher saw them. Now all the teachers act like I am a Glass about to break. I cover my scars because my classmates are judgmental. Cutting was the only thing that took away some of the pain for me and now my parents check me for scars so over I feel like all my pain is bottled up and I cry every night because of it. But you gave me confidence to now I’m not alone with my embarrassment and worry over my scars.

      Posted on

      • You Matter

        Thank you Sarah for participating in our open and caring community here at Youmatter. Feel free to call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you ever feel the need to talk to someone, we are here 24/7.

        Posted on

      • ADIRa

        ADIRa ADIRa

        Reply Author

        I am so, so happy that the words I’ve written helped you feel less alone. Thinking of you and sending an internet hug if you’d like one. (((hug))) I know this is so hard, I hear you, and I believe in you. -Adira

        Posted on

  • Shawn

    Shawn Shawn

    Reply Author

    Shawn.

    I’m a 44 yr dad. I have Chronic Depression,Chronic Anxiety and PTSD. I would burn myself on my legs it’s been about five years and I still won’t wear shorts. But every one is different as we know and my scars have a story behind them.

    Posted on

    • You Matter

      Shawn, thank you for reaching out to our community here and sharing your story. If you need support, remember that the Lifeline is here for you at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

      Posted on

    • Adira Bennett

      Shawn, thank you for speaking up. I’m glad you read my piece. Take gentle care. -AB

      Posted on

    • GRace

      GRace GRace

      Reply Author

      Shawn I respect your openness and admission on such a site as this. It is nice to hear from an adult as many of us started as children who never got the help we needed. I’m 24 and I have many deep scars, they became deeper the older I got as I had developed an abusive relationship with alcohol. I have Complex PTSD, and had to make the choice of letting go of my crutch (alcohol) to ensure an end to my self injury and sought professional help. Somethings are out of our control to change alone. It was scary, I cried many times at the thought of handling life sober before taking my last drink. 6 months clean and no new scars. The urge for both exist still, but leaning to understand the pain behind them grants you more freedom then unhealthy coping ever could. I hope you find peace. The first step is terrifying, if u do go to therapy, let them ask the questions, let them offer advice to you, for anyone reading this, it is not on you to do the work alone.

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Grace, thank you for participating in our community and supporting Shawn. If ever you are struggling with some tough emotions or thoughts as well, don’t hesitate to reach out to the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or share the number with others who may need it.

        Posted on

      • Anonymous

        Hey, uh, I’m a girl living in Asia and about to start University, come September. So well, I used to cut a lot during the ages 14 to 17 but learnt to balance out or rather control my urges to cut, whenever I felt overwhelmed by my uncontrollable emotions and the urge to control them or just feeling empty and wanting to feel something. I was a constant victim of child sexual abuse from ages 8 to 12 and till this day, it flashes in my mind and I feel like I’m living it all over again. I’m 18 now, and frequent cutting has reduced to very occasional one, like, about 3 or 4 times a year. But, thing is, sure my trauma haunts me till date but it’s not even about it anymore. Anytime something upsets me or when I’m obsessed with keeping my emotions inside rather than expressing them, cutting is my only way of channeling that frustration. And now, I don’t even like to look at myself and I avoid mirrors at all cost, knowing they’d remind me of the scars I have on my body. I get severely triggered when I look at my scars, and the urge to relapse often drives me crazy. Can anyone help me with this? I hate doing it when I have no control and regret it immediately afterwards…

        Posted on

        • Vibrant Communications

          Anonymous,
          It sounds like you are having a really difficult time coping and I am sorry to hear you are going through so much right now. The Lifeline is a United States based service only – if you are not within the United States, please visit http://www.iasp.info to find out about service providers in your area. Your life matters!

          Posted on

  • Charlotte

    Hello Adira, I recently found that block but hadn’t really read much of it. This morning I saw it in my timeline and your latest writing came up. So I read it and it was good to read. I still struggle every morning of what I think I can wear. Life isn’t easy, but we can make it easier when we’re there for each other. You’ve been there for me today and inspired and strengthens me with your words.
    I wish you a lot of strength in your life, and people who understand. And if they don’t i hope you’ll always remember that that is their problem and we’re not responsible for their thoughts or judgement, just like you said.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. All the best from Germany, Charlotte

    Posted on

    • You Matter

      Charlotte, thank you for sharing your inspiring story and encouraging others.

      Posted on

    • Adira Bennett

      Charlotte, thank you very much for your kind words. I am so glad I was able to support a fellow bearer of scars! I hope that you are eventually able to have some spaces in your life where you feel comfortable wearing whatever you like. Wishing you freedom, wellness, and joy! -AB

      Posted on

  • Trinity

    Trinity Trinity

    Reply Author

    Thank you for posting this. It made me feel wanted again. For a long time I didn’t feel like anyone in the world wanted me but now I know there are people out there who do.

    Posted on

  • Leyre Silva

    I bought dermalmd scar serum to help minimize scarring after back surgery, and after 3 months, the scar is nearly invisible! Now…one could say that the skill of the surgeon is just as important as this serum to produce the results I have experienced, but I also used this on existing scars that were several years old. While it did not eliminate the scars, nearly all of them were visibly reduced. I was quite impressed.

    Posted on

  • Mel

    Mel Mel

    Reply Author

    This really helps me. There have been times people would bring up my scars and I would get so angry. More people need to know this. One girl I understand she was concerned and she was struggling herself so I would have been okay with the conversation but she brought it up in a car when we were with people I hardly knew where we could not have any hope of escaping to privacy and it made it very difficult on me.
    I appreciate your honesty and I am very sorry what you have had to go through. I don’t know if you answer questions, but how do you feel about people who also are recovering from self harm commenting on others saying, we are in this together? Sometimes I find myself tempted to do that because I think I would like if someone told me they knew what it is like. But I do not know if this is true for many. What would you feel?

    Posted on

    • kaYla

      kaYla kaYla

      Reply Author

      If it’s a person you know closely or even just know then I would say that is fine + it could bring you together but I would not say that to a stranger with scars because they would be caught if hairs and most likely very uncomfortable

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Hello, Please know that you can contact the Lifeline to talk to someone who could provide emotional support for anyone dealing with these issues. The Lifeline can be reached @800-273-8255 24/7

        Posted on

  • Morgan

    Morgan Morgan

    Reply Author

    I was able to relate to this a lot. I also have self harm scars and have faced many upsetting interactions due to them and recently it has escalated due to location and severity of the injuries I have sustained in the fight with my disorder. (Disclaimer: this personal account becomes graphic but may help the rare person so I will share here what I would not in most cases) I had no coping skills to deal with my attacks as a teenager and would comfort myself taking my nails down the exterior lengths of my arm until they subsided and they are commonly recognized as a product of panic; the ones I get the most understanding from. At 19 I took a hunting blade to my inner arm as a 1st attempt with multiple lacerations, and though many of them healed I had to have 11 stitches for the deepest one and it ended up healing badly and scarring quite thickly, so it’s commonly noticed and is met with varying levels of concern. That leads me to my worst scar and one I’m still recovering from and very sensitive about. It’s almost been a year now (I was 21, and I’m turning 22 this month) since I took a 7 1/2 inch electric circular saw to my neck in front of a mirror and watched myself hack until I severed a muscle and my arm went numb and dropped it. This had emergency surgery with 60+ internal stitches and 13 exterior ones, right under my ear and jawline spanning about 6 1/2″ long in length with very raised and thick scar tissue that clusters into a ball about 1/2 an inch at its thickest point. This came with nerve damage and chronic pain that even strangers have the gall to TOUCH the scar or the side of my face not knowing that this action causes a shooting pain behind my ear and discomfort hearing the brush of skin against a cheek that cannot feel the interaction. Work has me interacting with many people in close proximity, with my hair up, so it is an unavoidable topic I have to confront daily. I literally get treated like I have a deformity sometimes and it makes me relive the incident. Due to the nerve damage, scar cream hurts because it aides in the circulation in an attempt to repair the nerve damage and causes a horrible itching on the neck and arm and displaced pain/ache in my ear so I’ve made the decision to not try to minimize the scars I have. The best method in my case is to refuse to answer the probing questions I get at work hiding behind saying “that’s not a polite question and something that I will not discuss with you.” This may ‘sound’ rude, but using the tone of being firm and the inflection that I have been asked this many times- no one has tried to ask further questions and often I earn their respect right away and the likelihood of having a complaint about my directness or them attempting to touch it after I’ve said this is close to zero and sets the boundaries I need in order to work with them at my own comfort level. With unprofessional relationships I leave it to discretion and the more I get to know someone, I may or may not decide to tell them, but often have to set boundaries not to touch my scars with the minimum detail given that it causes me discomfort and pain. The thing about an attempt like mine, because it’s not nearly as common, is that you will find it so much harder to find someone who isn’t mortified at the idea that you have harmed yourself to the point of marked mutilation. It’s sometimes horrifying to others to think about, sometimes even to others who have attempted because in their mind THEY could never do THAT. Just know that not everyone will judge you, and often the horror you see from people who learn of the reason behind your scars are only because you are either precious to them and they can’t imagine how you must have felt in that moment, or they can but could never push through into the action of it, OR they haven’t faced anyone with that personal experience and it is foreign but something they may ask further questions about to attempt to understand. Just be patient is my advice. I’m going through treatment and fighting my disorders harder than ever. Not many can say that against the odds you managed to fight your own mind and walk away with scars from your battle, wounds that show despite your affliction, you yourself are resilient. I hope this offered insight. Please don’t be ashamed, please keep seeking out help and acceptance. Please have that hope that, like the rest of us, you will experience a sleeveless shirt, shorts, hair put up in a bouncy ponytail kind of day. Even if it’s just one, but as you personally heal, you just may find that day, some day, can become plural. <3

    Posted on

    • You Matter

      Morgan, thank you for participating in our community and sharing your story to support others. Don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you ever need extra support. The call is free and confidential and counselors are available 24/7.

      Posted on

  • Scarred

    Scarred Scarred

    Reply Author

    To all of you younger people reading this, I encourage you to stop self harming if you can before you get too scarred up… I’m now a middle aged woman who hasn’t cut or burned myself for about two years, but before that I did it from age 14 onwards. My entire arms, thighs, hips, ribcage and chest are covered in scars and I’ve found it actually has become much harder to expose them as I’ve got older, even though they’re well faded by now. As a younger person I felt others were more sympathetic but at the age when I’m old enough to know better and it clearly wasn’t “just a phase”… not so much. Also it has been a sad surprise to me to find that people I thought I knew well enough to not cover up so much (eg. just 3/4 sleeves instead of being covered to wrists) have been the most shocked and judgemental about my scars. They can’t believe how someone so “normal” did that and they don’t trust me the same any more. I know this isn’t something you think about when you have those strong urges to hurt yourself; I myself didn’t care when people told me I’d regret it, because I couldn’t see a future. However, it can be really hard to feel any pride at stopping self harm when I’m sweating through a heatwave in my coverup clothes. I can’t take any comfort in those quotes that say your scars are bravery stripes or whatever because there’s nothing that feels special or strong about being 37 and having no idea what to wear when it’s a choice of embarrassing either myself or others around me.

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      Rebecca, thank you for coming here to share you story and encourage youth not to self harm. If and whenever you need someone to talk to, remember that the Lifeline is here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

      Posted on

    • Sy

      Sy Sy

      Reply Author

      I feel the same as scarred. I’m 42, a qualified mental health nurse and social worker but have hidden my scars for over 25 years. The fear and comments I’ve had over the years by peers and coworkers sting. The heat from long summers burn. I sit in meetings Wearing long sleeves reaching temperatures where I feel I might pass out, all to avoid the judgemental gaze and comments, often having come from those who have come to know me as a confident, knowledgeable professional….until that is they find out about the scars. That’s when you get the doubt and mistrust. People aren’t sure if you can be trusted to manage other people’s well-being even though you may have done the same role for years. Every hot day is filled with consuming thoughts of what to wear, what’s going to make you blend in, not stand out and become someone’s focus. It effects every aspect of your life. Who you make friends with, who you invite round, who you tell, who you don’t, what and how do you explain it to your children…so many aspects, every day, all day. Please if you read this take note. It doesn’t get easier, people judge. Your scars may tell a story but regrettably it can’t always win human nature.

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Hello Sy, Thank you for writing to us and I am sorry to hear you are in so much emotional pain right now. The Lifeline crisis counselors are here for you any time day or night, every day of the year at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. Reach out and let us help you through.

        Posted on

    • Irene

      Irene Irene

      Reply Author

      I’m sorry to hear your story but you should try to forget about what people think… maybe if it affects your job I understand but if not what’s the point? I’m always sad to see how hard some people are on themselves, also, why are you saying you’re a middle aged woman? lol nothing wrong with it but middle age is when you’re over 45 so no, you’re not a middle aged woman, even if you were, even if you’re 90 years old lol you shouldn’t be ashamed of it and make others ashamed? if someone gets ashamed by seeing a person scars they have some problems, that’s their problem not yours, you shouldn’t be worrying about ashaming others ffs, you don’t exist to please them.
      I know you are not gonna read this but I wish that if someone, no matter their age, reads it knows that you don’t have to be hard on yourself because now you’re old or some other bs, I know it’s not easy but just like Adira said you should wear normal clothes,stop caring about others, stop treating yourself like shit and putting yourself in shitty situations just because you’re scared of others opinions, you know what? others will almost 99% of the time, disappoint you, the world is full of assholes, you should accept that and just keep those who are good and genuine close to you, and also, seek help! most of us who did this in the past or the ones who do it now have very low self-esteem and the fact you do this to your own body show how bad you treat yourself, not saying this in a bad way to make anyone feel guilty but it’s a fact, if you’ve been doing this for years you need professional help, I used to be like that in the past now with help and experience and maturing, I’ve become very confident in myself , sure I have days where I feel insecure, that’s normal but I’m nothing like I used to be, it’s been 15 years since the last time I cut myself. I had a horrible childhood and teen years, my older brother sexually abused me for years and I was bullied in school and high school as well, I suffered with agoraphobia and won’t leave my house, I used to have panic attacks every week, I tried to kill myself when I was 12, my family is dysfunctional af, what I’m trying to say is that if I was able to do it in my shitty situation others can as well. People will always judge you, this is in fact a good thing, you can know who’s worth of your time and friendship/relationship by the way they react to your scars, now I’m not ashamed, I only want people around me who care for me and love me for who I am and have good hearts, I’ve suffered enough and endured enough abuse during my life, that’s not happening again, I don’t take any shit, I’m my priority now and I try to be good with myself and love me as much as I can.

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Hello Irene, Thank you for reaching out to our community and encouraging others! Don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you ever need extra support. The call is free and confidential and counselors are available 24/7.

        Posted on

  • Adira Bennett

    I just wanted to give a big thank-you once again for all the feedback this post has received. I apologize for not individually responding to each person; I promise I read all your words and I care. Sending healing wishes to all. xox

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      Adira Bennett,
      Thank you for participating in our community and supporting others.

      Posted on

  • Elizabeth

    “…many others both dislike having our difference dragged to the forefront and dislike the romanticization of our condition”
    This quote means so much to me. My scars are in the past and I don’t want to revisit that chapter of my life because a pair of fresh eyes has seen my visible difference and decides to comment. I don’t mind telling my story because of the hope and growth gained as I moved past it all…but I honestly am just tired of repeating myself sometimes. If I want to be genuine with someone I trust and feel they could really benefit from my story, I’ll open up on my own over time. But for a stranger or coworker or classmate to just flat out ask, trying to be genuine for a moment because of their curiosity, it is unwanted. If I noticed someone with a missing adult tooth, I wouldn’t ask about it. There may be a story but I have no place asking. And if they want to share, they’ll split it out.

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      Hello Elizabeth, thank you for reaching out and sharing. No matter what you are going through pleae keep in mind that we are always here. The Lifeline is here for anyone struggling with difficult emotions. You do not need to be thinking about suicide to call us. The call is free and confidential, so don’t hesitate to contact us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your life matters!

      Posted on

  • anonymous

    I just need to say thank you for making someone feel less alone:)

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      We welcome your suggestions and invite each of you to share your stories if you find it helpful. Thank you for making this a supportive and compassionate community.

      Posted on

  • Bethany

    Bethany Bethany

    Reply Author

    I appreciate this post so much!!!! It really makes me cringe when people throw out cliches.
    I just have to radically accept them and try to get through with mindfulness if I start to make myself panic about them.
    Thank you for writing this. Clear thought that’s well presented with all the right information. Thank you.

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      Thank you for sharing inspirational words today.

      Posted on

    • Adira

      Adira Adira

      Reply Author

      Thank you so, so much for reading my article and taking the time to leave a comment! Sending you a virtual hug, if you’d like one. (((hug)))

      Posted on

  • Paula

    Paula Paula

    Reply Author

    I had to struggle immensely with depression in recent years and at some point I just couldn’t take it anymore. I then started to hurt myself. Through your site and your articles I always find new courage and I wanted to thank you for that. It is nice to read something like this. It gives you the feeling of being understood. You make the world a little bit better.

    Posted on

    • Vibrant Communications

      Paula, you’re very welcome. We’re glad to be a resource for anyone struggling through tough times and we’re g;ad we could be there for you. Don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you need support, and please pass our number along to others who may need it.

      Posted on

    • Joplin

      Joplin Joplin

      Reply Author

      I know how you feel, paula. I’ve been through these things myself, and I’ve struggled with depression for years. Hurting yourself is the only way out for many people. But it shouldn’t be like that. You have already taken the first right steps by following pages like this and noticing that you are not alone. I wish you all the best and hope that you get over all these bad things quickly.

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Please reach out to the lifeline by calling 1800-273-8255 for more support and additional resources we are here to provide support to you 24/7.

        Posted on

  • Anonymous

    Hey, uh, I’m a girl living in Asia and about to start University, come September. So well, I used to cut a lot during the ages 14 to 17 but learnt to balance out or rather control my urges to cut, whenever I felt overwhelmed by my uncontrollable emotions and the urge to control them or just feeling empty and wanting to feel something. I was a constant victim of child sexual abuse from ages 8 to 12 and till this day, it flashes in my mind and I feel like I’m living it all over again. I’m 18 now, and frequent cutting has reduced to very occasional one, like, about 3 or 4 times a year. But, thing is, sure my trauma haunts me till date but it’s not even about it anymore. Anytime something upsets me or when I’m obsessed with keeping my emotions inside rather than expressing them, cutting is my only way of channeling that frustration. And now, I don’t even like to look at myself and I avoid mirrors at all cost, knowing they’d remind me of the scars I have on my body. I get severely triggered when I look at my scars, and the urge to relapse often drives me crazy. Can anyone help me with this? I hate doing it when I have no control and regret it immediately afterwards…

    Posted on

    • Klaus

      Klaus Klaus

      Reply Author

      Hey Anonymous,

      the only thing you can do is to search for professional help. For me it was the only way out. Unfortunately i couldnt speak to my friends or family. Try to find someone who can stabelize your mind. Remember that the effort lasts for the rest of your life. So start now to change something. At the Age of 18 … you have your whole life in front of you. Try everything you can do. I wish you all the best.

      Posted on

      • Vibrant Communications

        Hello Klaus, Thank you for reaching out to our community and encouraging others! Don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you or anyone ever needs extra support. The call is free and confidential and counselors are available 24/7.

        Posted on

      • Anonymous

        Thank you for your kind words Klaus.

        Posted on

  • Adira

    Adira Adira

    Reply Author

    Just wanted to respond to all the comments here that I haven’t personally responded to yet — I get a notification every time someone comments on my article, and I read every comment. I am rooting for each and every one of you and I’m very glad if my words were of service to you in any way. You are heard and loved. -AB

    Posted on

  • distributor boiler

    I must say you have written a great article. The way you have described everything is phenomenal. If you have time, please visit my site

    Posted on

  • Piromax

    Piromax Piromax

    Reply Author

    You are well done! You need to live your life and pay less attention to the comments of people from the outside.

    Posted on

  • princess

    Hi, Im new here and im very overwhelm by you guys who have commented. Im currently in a University in Asia Pacific country and Im was diagnose with depression last year 2021 and recently with NSSI. Right now, I’m very tempted to cut again so I tried searcihng on coping strategies that could help me stop this doings I read this article. Im currently really breaking down because of my course in healthcare and I really do feel pressure and feel that I’m very low in reaching that dream. I just feel so stupid and my knowledge is not operating I’m frustrated right now that I really wanted to cut myself just to express this feeling and be relieve by it.

    Posted on

  • foodle

    foodle foodle

    Reply Author

    I’m overjoyed that you read and like my essay. I appreciate you taking the time to leave a remark. It was a little unsettling for me to write about something so private, but reading your answer made it all worthwhile.

    Posted on

  • Fact

    Fact Fact

    Reply Author

    It was an article that I had a lot of fun reading. Thanks for the valuable comments.

    Posted on

  • PRINTING SOLUTION

    thanks for the information, great article

    Posted on

  • RUMAH DIGITAL

    ery good article, I’m from Indonesia enjoy reading your article, waiting for the latest update. Thank You

    Posted on

  • retro bowl

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for your insightful remarks.

    Posted on

  • immaculate grid

    Thank you for sharing your personal experience and insights on dealing with scars and the reactions of others. Your perspective highlights the importance of empathy, respect, and understanding when interacting with individuals who bear visible signs of past struggles.

    Posted on

  • Mitra Boiler

    Tanks For Sharing Article, Good Job

    Posted on